Be close to me
This was the song the instrument of my being has played
Please, dear God, be close to me
Never really knowing if that was happening
How would I know
What does that mean? How would it feel?

Be close to me
Let me feel you here
I asked – I asked so many times
Tumbling from my lips, as easy as breath
I begged you, and so stuck on begging I felt alone
All I knew was some idea of a space I was asking you to fill
Did you not want to be close to me?
Did you not want to pour into the space in my mind I had made for you?

And with resignation my lips grew quiet.
Space, the ache of the absence
My prayer, dried up
Silence

“I have always been closed to you” – you said
Or maybe was it me that said that?
I’m confused: whose voice was that?
Have you been there, here, all along?
Did I miss you, all along?
Was it you, within me, that cried out, asking for us to be together, to be in a kind of loving dance?
I’m letting my mind wake up to the knowingness that the dance has been happening all a long
Perhaps like an echo of something of yours woven into me
A cry from within myself, responding to myself
Was it you who wooed me into silence?
I thought that was my doubt, my grief, my awareness of my aloneness
Maybe it was you, who shut me up,
Who stopped the incessant grovelling
For something I already had
Here
You are here
I only want to stay
Quiet forever, to go to the places you have always been
And discover them, trace the interior space of your dwelling
To know the million miles on unexplored territory that you have invited me into

Even in this moment

And
Like a mother growing a child- sharing a body
Like a son, looking in the mirror and seeing the face of his father
Like lovers inside of each other
Like breath in my lungs
You are so close to me